Baby Love

When I look at Isaac I feel a depth of love that I never thought possible. Every little gurgle and smile makes my heart burst. To see him being cuddled by his father is the most beautiful sight I have ever be-held. When he sleeps through the night (bless him), I miss not having seen him in a number of hours. And when he cries I feel his pain as though it is my own. In short, like millions of women before me and millions of women after, I am completely in love with my baby.

Before I had Isaac people would tell me that you cannot comprehend a mother’s love until you are one. I didn’t believe a word of it and thought it arrogant to assume that one kind of love wasn't attainable by all people – but now I find it to be true and it gives me a new perspective on my relationship with my own mother. I remember back to those tumultuous teenage years when I raged against my parents – throwing their love back in their face. As teenagers go, I wasn’t terrible – I got good grades, had nice friends, didn’t dabble in alcohol or drugs and was relatively sensible. But, like all good teenagers, I did feel that my parents had no understanding of me. Whilst it’s years and years away, it already breaks my heart that no doubt Isaac will go through the same thing with us.

At the moment I am his world. When he is held by another person, he looks around to make sure that he can see me. Sometimes I am the only one that can soothe his cries. It’s impossible not to feel special. And whereas the fact that one day he won’t need me like that saddens me, what saddens me more is the fact that some babies don’t have someone adoring them. It is hard to believe that there are some children out there that don't get this absolute love lavished upon them. I read somewhere that babies want you to delight in them. I cannot help but delight in my little boy.

Things you never thought of until you have baby

There are certain moments that occur with a newborn baby that you are totally unprepared for. I am not talking about the sleep deprivation or the surprising range of a baby boy pee or just how much love you feel your baby. I am talking about the little things that affect your life in ways you didn’t expect.

The other day I was preparing to head out with Isaac to a shopping centre – just him and I. Suddenly I thought struck me – what was I going to do if I had to go the bathroom? In a panic I asked hubby for his advice. With a wry smile he suggested that I hang Isaac, baby carrier and all, on the hook they have on the back of toilets. Then came the slightly more sensible suggestion of using the disabled loo and taking the pram. However, for someone who is a very adamant about closing the bathroom door, this all seemed contrary to my nature. Instead I resolved that I just wouldn’t go to the bathroom when I was out with Isaac. I had flash backs to a trip to Africa we had a few years ago. The only bathroom option whilst driving out on the plains was, well, out on the plains. If I have strong pelvic floor muscles, it’s nothing to do with pregnancy exercise and everything to do with “holding on” whilst being bumped and jostled in a jeep over Africa.

I am lucky enough to live near a gorgeous group of women who have little children. The other night we all went out for a girls’ dinner, leaving our hubbies holding the babies. Of course the discussion was centred around our kids. I felt quite sorry for the only one of our number who doesn’t have a baby – I do remember being bored by conversations about other people’s offspring. However, as much as your promise “you won’t be that parent”, you end up that way. It wasn’t until I realised that we were quite happily discussing poo that I realised that I had turned into that mother.

Other things that have surprised me are: just how much you can get done with one hand whilst nursing a baby with the other, how fast little ones grow out of clothing, how long you can spend staring at them sleep and how much fun it is to be a mum.

To the beach!

Last weekend Isaac had his first trip to the beach. We packed the car (95% Isaac stuff, 5% our own) and headed to Alex for a peaceful (?) weekend away. Upon arriving at our destination we learned that you could “hire” a cot for a baby from reception. My husband is not keen on spending money unnecessarily and thought this was a blatant grab for cash. It was one of those places where you had to pay to get extra blankets and had a sign saying that cleaning charges would be applicable should the kitchen not be left in the state it was found. So we pushed together a couple of chairs and hey presto! A cot for Isaac. Isaac is the kind of baby that sleeps anywhere so he wasn’t too perturbed by his new surrounds and slept well.

The morning after we arrived we decided to tackle the beach. Loaded down with a shade cabana, baby carrier, nappy bag, towels, hats and sunscreen we walk over to the beach. The shade cabana is the type that takes 5 seconds to put up and a 30 minutes struggle complete with giggling on lookers to put down. After kitting Isaac out in his new hat , baby sun block applied we placed him in the shadiest corner of the cabana. As we looked around the beach we realised that we were the only ones fool enough to try and go to the beach with a baby under 12 months. Eventually, after quite a bit of grumbling, Isaac feel asleep, leaving me free to lie on my beach towel and read my magazine.... For two seconds before he grumbled again. Being able to sleep everywhere obviously didn't extend to this hot, sandy and rather unpleasant environment. Eventually Isaac and I went back to the room leaving Nathan free to go for an ocean swim. The next day we went to the lagoon pool at the hotel which was 100% more successful and lo-and behold where all the other parents with little babies were!

Co-Sleeping

As a naive pregnant woman I was sure that my baby would not co-sleep. He would be in his cot by 7pm each night and sleeping through by the time he was 6 weeks old. Of course, what you plan for and what actually happens are totally different things. Isaac settles quickly most of the time after a late night feed - no, funnily enough he isn't sleeping through just yet! But there are times that he will seem to settle and then just when I drift off to sleep, I hear that plaintive cry coming from his room. There have been times where this has occurred 3 or 4 times in a row and he comes into the big bed. Once tucked in with mum and dad he drifts off to sleep immediately and sleeps longer between feeds. There is something undeniably wonderful about sleeping with your baby beside you, waking to see his beautiful face in the morning. Just to know that it's your presence, your warmth that is keeping him happy. To be in that sleepy state between dreaming and waking together as you feed. However, there are some dangers with co-sleeping and deaths can occur due to suffocation or strangulation. Here are the guidelines for co-sleeping:

• You shouldn't co-sleep if you are smoker, have had any drugs (including medication and alcohol), or have a sleep disorder. Siblings should not sleep with the baby.
• Always place your baby on his or her back to sleep to reduce the risk of SIDS.
• Always leave your child's head uncovered while sleeping.
• Make sure your bed's headboard and footboard don't have openings or cutouts that could trap your baby's head.
• Make sure your mattress fits snugly in the bed frame so that your baby won't become trapped in between the frame and the mattress.
• Don't place a baby to sleep in an adult bed alone.
• Don't use pillows, comforters, quilts, and other soft or plush items on the bed.
• Don't drink alcohol or use medications or drugs that may keep you from waking and may cause you to roll over onto, and therefore suffocate, your baby.
• Don't place your bed near draperies or blinds where your child could be strangled by cords.

I think it's worth remembering that 9o% of the world's population would co-sleep with their infants. It's a very "Western" and even unnatural thing to do - to separate our babies into their own beds. If you look at it in that light it suddenly seems cruel to have a newborn sleeping away from it's mother. But our lifestyles are very different and a lot of very content babies sleep in their own beds. It is also hard to sleep with a snuffling little bub beside you while you are cautious not to roll on them. Like most things with babies - it's horses for courses and you and your baby have to choose your own path. For Isaac and I, there will be the occasional co-sleep but we hope to cease that prior to 6 months. After 6 months it can be difficult to get the wee ones out of the big bed until they are much older.

Baby routines

I recently bought the new contented little baby book by Gina Ford. For those not familiar with it, it is series of (very strict) feeding and sleeping routines with the intended outcome that your baby will sleep through the night at an early age. Now, I love plans, lists and routines but even I find that the routine suggested very restrictive and dictator-ish, so much so that the book is now know as the little miss bossy book at our place. After a quick google search I found that most people had quite strong views about this book (and they weren’t all positive). If you are thinking of getting this book the salient points are:

1. Babies learn by association – therefore you need to put some routine around the “big” night time sleep so that bub can differentiate between it and nap time. This might include bath time and definitely includes putting bub down in his nursery.


2. Keep feeds at night very quite – avoid eye contact and don’t play with baby. Cuddles etc. are fine but they should be of the settling variety.


3. Try to keep sleeping during the day to gradually reducing hours so that the night time stretch becomes longer. Feed more during the day.

Gina offers a number of routines (and they are to the minute!) as well as some suggested solutions to common first year problems.

Isaac is a good baby and we certainly aren’t out the “pulling out our hair trying everything” stage with night time feeds. But we are trying a variant on the schedules that she suggests. Probably the hardest thing about Gina’s book is that she s one of those authors who dictate rather than suggest. She really does make you feel like you are doing the entirely the wrong thing if you go against her advice. Again I say that there is one expect on you and your baby – and it’s not Gina Ford – it’s you.

Work Visits

I remember being at work and at times the sound of small baby would drift down the hall way. Heads would poke out of offices as we all greeted whoever brought in their new bundle of joy. It is somewhat of a tradition that babies come into the office to be introduced to those that have been carefully monitoring the bump that preceded them.

On Tuesday, it was my turn to take in little Isaac to meet the people I work with. Because Isaac was born nearly five weeks early, he is quite tiny (in the 5th percentile) so everyone exclaims on how little he is. For us he seems huge since we first brought him home - he has nearly doubled in size during the first five weeks – going from 2.61kg to 3.49kg! Everyone cooed over how cute (and small!) he is and suggested whether he looked like more like Nathan or I. It seems with his eyes closed he looks like me - when they are open, people think more like Nathan.

It was a touch surreal to be in the office and yet not really a part of the office at the moment. Wandering up to work and seeing people talking seriously over coffee meetings at the various coffee shops along the way reminded me of a world that I won’t be part of again for some time. I did get a chance to catch up with my team and touch base with those currently leading the team. It was nice to talk about work projects for a little while, but even nicer to come home with Isaac and relax. I feel confident that my team is working well without me (apparently my absence did not cause the sky to fall in :) ) but I do miss them.

Wonderful Partners - Daddies who do their bit

My husband and I have always shared the upkeep of the household. We work similar hours and contribute the same amount of income so sharing the housework seems quite natural. I still can’t believe that there are blokes out there who think it’s appropriate for the woman to bear the brunt of the housework. It’s also a huge lost opportunity for them – Nathan and I have some great chats whilst preparing the evening meal or grocery shopping together.

So, in the same vein, we were all for co-parenting Isaac. Nathan is completely besotted by his little son and loves to cuddle him at any given chance. He has never baulked at changing a nappy, laughs when Isaac “leaks” on either of us and is excellent at settling Isaac when he is upset. He has (and this is above and beyond the call of duty) taken 8 weeks off to spend with us.

I know that not every family can do that and I feel really privileged that we are in this situation. It means that Nathan is able to establish some very strong early bonds with Isaac which I know will be evident in later life. It also means that in the past few weeks I have gone to the hair dresser for a full colour rather than just rushing in between feeds. I have had a beautiful beauty and massage treatment and a couple of dinners out with girlfriends. Nathan is quite happy to give Isaac the expressed feed and I think they really enjoy that time together. I am not quite sure what I am going to do when he is back at work!

It has also given me a whole new level of respect for those that parent alone or with a partner who is not supportive. The last few weeks have been delightful but I am sure that would be different if I didn’t have the support I have. I would encourage all new dads to be on as hands on as possible – you only get this opportunity once in your child’s life. Also, there is nothing sexier than seeing your partner change a nappy or clean the kitchen. If the old love life has stalled after the birth – it’s not a bad way to kick start it ;)

Baby's first shopping trip

We had our first proper shopping trip with Isaac to the DFO the other day. Rather than driving around the car park tailing people who looked like they were leaving we swung into a pram park right outside the shopping centre. Glee was all over Nathan’s face! After wrestling with the pram (only slightly) we were all inside the centre. As often occurs when we shop, Nathan looked at his stores and I wandered around the ones I liked. Well I tried to whilst manoeuvring a pram around fixtures – I have a new found respect for those with mobility issues. I found a top that I liked and wanted to try on and came across a new problem – change rooms are not built for prams. So rather hesitantly I let the shop keeper keep an eye on Isaac as I changed – all the while feeling that I was a terrible mother to do so. After that, Nathan and I shopped as a team!

When you have a new baby you are suddenly admitted into the parents club. The closest I can liken it to is when you buy a new car and suddenly everyone with same model waves or gives a knowing nod as you pass each other on the freeway. Well apparently a similar set of rules apply with children. You are asked how old, when was he born, whether he’s your first, how you are finding it and so the list goes on. Everyone is suddenly incredibly helpful and friendly – which is lovely. I had a nice natter to a lady who was saying that slings are most definitely the way to go in shopping centres rather than trying to manage a pram. I am one of those people that can never seem to steer a shopping trolley in the right direction, so I am a little challenged when it comes to the pram and her advice made sense to me.

Time seems to exist in some sort of vortex with shopping centres and our 2 hour shopping trip (to coincide with feeds) stretched to three hours. So I was off to another parents’ room – and again I was surprised by the palatial dimensions. We are really lucky to have these kinds of facilities and I am grateful to whoever lobbied for us to get them.

I can’t say that shopping with a baby is quite as relaxing as it used to be but it was still a fun experience and at least I got a few tops that I can breast-feed comfortably in. On the way out another parent spied us with our new bub getting into the car. “Pram parks” she smiled, “best thing about children” and then laughed – “No, there are lots of wonderful things – just wait and see” and so we shall!

Bring a perfect baby into an imperfect world

I often feed Isaac in the morning whilst watching the news. Bombings in the middle east, wars between Israel and Palestine, floods in Fiji, stock markets tumbling all make me wonder about the world we have brought our little one into.

I think each generation worries about this – when I was born my parents would have been concerned about terrorism, an economy that was starting to fail and the threat of nuclear war. And yet we have come out the other side relatively unscathed.

On the plus side I am bringing Isaac up in a world that has been ready to accept and embrace the first African American president, a world that is starting to recognise and act upon its environmental responsibilities, a world where miracles occur – such as a pilot landing a plane with two failed engines into a river and avoiding any fatalities. While the news is filled with the economic crisis it’s hard to focus on the positive, but the good news is definitely there.

I can’t wait to see the world through Isaac’s eyes – each little thing a wondrous event as he explores his world. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child will turn around the cynic and open our eyes to the beauty of our earth.

How to keep your relationship on track with a newborn

Obviously a newborn changes your life quite dramatically and it would be naive to think it’s not going to impact on the relationship you have with your partner. I have found the following useful:

1. Sit down and talk about how you would each parent, including your own experiences as a child. Specifically for a newborn talk about whether you will be trying to get your baby into a feeding routine straight away or whether you will demand feed. Also talk about how you feel about co-sleeping.
2. Talk about how your partner will be involved in baby care – nappy changes, baths, cuddles, settling and feeding (expressed or formula) as well as how you will share care of the house. Talk about your expectations of each other and what you will accept. Are you okay with having a messy house? Not having a cooked meal each evening?
3. If you are breast feeding you will feel that you are doing the lioness’ share of the work. Recognise that and try not to resent your partner for it. Don’t feel guilty about getting them to help out in other ways.
4. You will both be tired and if something frustrates you, you are likely to take it out on each other. It’s going to be something small and silly and escalate into something bigger where you might say something you don’t mean. If you feel yourself getting frustrated try to catch that feeling early and remove yourself from the situation. This might be counting to ten or leaving the room.
5. If an argument does escalate try to resolve your issue prior to going to bed. Once you have both cooled down, talk out what the underlying issues are.
6. Keep kissing and cuddling – affection is really important and it will relax you.
7. Make time to laugh together every day. Look at your newborn together and enjoy your new family.

Nathan and I have a very strong relationship and this advice is aimed at couples with a similar experience. If you are really struggling with your partner and a newborn, getting in touch with Realtionships Australia - http://www.relationships.com.au/ might help.

Top 5 things you wish someone would have told you about caring for a newborn

There are a few things that I wish someone had told me...

1. 1. Buy nappies online – it’s as cheap as or cheaper than from the supermarket and it’s so easy when it’s delivered to your door. One less thing to worry about! I use http://www.nappysupplies.com.au/ and literally the nappies are at my door within hours.


2. If you are breastfeeding, express a little milk each day or second day. This allows you freedom to go out without worrying about needing to be home within a certain time to feed baby. It also allows your partner to take a night time feed, giving you much needed rest! I find that the plastic bags you can buy from chemists to store and freeze breast milk the most useful. I also think an electric breast pump is a good investment.


3. It will actually be a wonderful time! So many books and magazines seem to focus on the transition to motherhood being a difficult and trying time. I have been very lucky, but I have found motherhood to be nothing but pure joy. I really had assumed that the first six weeks were going to be awful but have been pleasantly surprised to find that they have been lovely (so far!).


4. Do not put yourself under house arrest. The wonderful thing about newborns is how portable they are! They sleep a lot of the time and fit into slings and capsules. Go out to dinner or lunch – make sure that you “rejoin” the world as soon as you feel up to it. Whether that's with your baby or catching up with a friend while someone else minds bub (again express, express, express!). With baby, shopping centres are a great option as they have fabulous parent rooms. I assumed a parent room would be a small room with a chair but most are full on lounges with TVs, microwaves for heating milk and loads of comfortable seating for breastfeeding. Most seem to be the size of a small house! If anybody tells you that you shouldn't be out with such a small baby remind that s/he had to get home from the hospital somehow.


5. Read, read, read but realise that the expert on your baby and you is you and your baby. Books will often give conflicting advice and other people definitely will. Get to know your baby first and foremost. Use the helpful advice, setting aside anything that doesn’t work for you.

Nursery Decor

I have yet to meet a man whose ambitions for their infant do not include sporting glory. Nathan is no different – though perhaps a little more “hard core” than most. So the theme for our nursery was always going to be sports related. Now if you go down to your local Target / DJs / Myer etc. you will notice that there are linens decorated with pirates, safari animals, farm animals, cars, trains and planes for little boy rooms. There are no sports options. There are few great websites (mostly in the states) that do have sports linen (check out http://www.thecompanystore.com/defaultkids2.asp), however due to shipping costs we decided to DIY.
I made some football wall hangings (above). To make these I cut two halves of a football shape out of contrasting fabric and sewed together. I then threaded red ribbon between the two halves to create the “lace”. I then put the “football” onto a calico backing and stuffed lightly. Stitch onto some cheap canvas and there you go.
I also made some wall hangings from fabric sourced from a craft shop and trimmed the curtains and made cushions in the same fabric.
We will be getting some sports pennants (online from http://www.sportswall.com/) and hanging these on the wall. Ikea has a great range of soft sports balls that we also have put around the room.
There are some fantastic wall decals out there - these ones take the cake for me http://www.allposters.com/-st/Basketball-Giant-Wall-Decals-Posters_c96484_.htm, but a bit on the exxy side!
Once Isaac is a little older, we will purchase a locker to put his clothes in – again Ikea have a great range. We will also affix a small basketball hoop above a waste paper basket just for fun.
I am quite happy with the end result – which is a bright and happy room that can grow with Isaac.

Keeping a clean house with a new born

Without fail every baby book you read will tell you to “forget about the housework – sleep when baby is sleeping”. But if you are one of those people that can’t sleep when the house is a mess that just doesn’t work. Here are a few shortcuts to a clean house with a newborn:

1. Make sure that every thing has its place, and every place has its thing. Ideally it’s best to do a spring clean before bub comes along. The rule I follow – if it isn’t functional, useful or seriously sentimental, it goes. It’s much easier to keep a house clean that isn’t full of clutter.


2. Some clutter is unavoidable – to keep “baby thing sprawl” under control, have a basket in each room that may have baby stuff in it. Chuck everything into the basket for an instant tidy.


3. Have a “clean as you go” rule – helpful for bathroom and kitchen. Whenever a meal is made, a cup used etc. the person that used that cup or made that meal cleans as they go. Have a chux near the bathroom sink so that it can be wiped after use. Obviously this is going to work better with adults than children! It's much easier to keep the kitchen tidy if you have one pot meals.


4. If you can afford it, get a cleaner in. If you have good family and friend support, see if they are willing to come over for a cleaning “bee” – this can be good to get those tough jobs like oven cleaning, fridge defrosting done.


5. If it’s all just too overwhelming – try to leave one room in your house neat and tidy and use that as your “retreat” room when looking at the mess gets too much.

Lesson #1 - Babies don't adhere to Gantt charts (or if you want make God laugh - tell him your plans)

Part of my job is project management – something I love doing! Drawing up PRINCE diagrams and Gantt charts is a source of much fun for me. Yes, I am a project management tragic. I approached pregnancy as though it was another IT project. There were lists and milestones. Each bit of weight gain was diligently recorded and graphed. Each appointment summarised and documented in a spreadsheet. Every item of clothing given to us for Isaac was listed with size, date received and date washed. You probably think I am exaggerating – I am not. I walked into my midwife appointments with my carefully cross referenced folder and was greeted by a wry smile and "first baby then?" The midwives knew that babies have little regard for PRINCE 2. Isaac was born 4 and half weeks early. The evening of the 24th I had mild cramps - much like period pain but I dismissed it as baby starting to descend. There was a small voice that said - what if this is it? But I decided it couldn't be labour because I didn't want my baby to born so near Christmas, we had a holiday planned for early January and I hadn't yet finished up work. By 10:30pm the next evening, I held our new little baby in my arms. Strangely enough, once labour had definitely established a feeling of calm fell over me and I started to be quite zen about the whole thing. At some point I accepted that our little miracle was coming into our lives and that was a wonderful thing, no matter how ill prepared we might be. Isaac arrived after a dream labour, lasting only 7 hours from water breaking. Despite being so early, he was a good weight and the only issue was some jaundice treated by billi lights. Suddenly, plans are out the window and priorities have shifted.