I have neglected this blog for sometime now and a kindly comment from a dear friend (you know who you are :) ) prompted me to write again.
The last few months have bore witness to the happiest and most difficult times of my life.
Isaac has fast grown into a little boy - rushing around the place, seeking (and finding!) mischief wherever he goes. Everything is to be wondered at and explored. He comes out with the most hilarious of things and Nathan and I wonder what those without 18 month olds do for entertainment. The other day he pointed at a line he had drawn and said “circle” - everything that is to do with drawing is a “circle” at the moment. “No,” we corrected, “Line.” To which Isaac replied “Roar!” He joins in singing nursery rhymes and his favourite book is “going on a bear hunt” as he can join in on the “Uh-Oh” and “Oh-No” parts of the book. He says “Yes” with such conviction but only shakes his head for no.
The challenging times stemmed from my going back to work. In October, I started back at work intending to work a four day week. As I returned we were in throes of moving buildings. This was incredible well managed by maternity replacement and in the end the move weekend went like clockwork. However, it was still a long weekend with only a few hours of sleep - as I was still breast feeding Isaac at night I returned home each evening and snatched a few hours of sleep before the feeding, driving, working cycle began again.
The next week was spent trouble shooting and putting on minor fires. When people asked me if I missed my little boy and I could honestly say I didn't even have time to think about it. Perhaps I was in denial, but picking him up at the end of a long day and seeing his gorgeous smile quickly became the highlight of my day.
Following the move, we merged with another firm, which brought on a month of long weeks to get the IT systems integrated. If this had happened before Isaac came along I would have relished the opportunity. However, I ended up feeling what thousands of working mothers have felt before me - that I wasn’t giving enough at home and I wasn’t giving enough at work – stretched so thin between the two, I was afraid I would break. In the end, the merge went very well and through support from Nathan and my family, Isaac didn’t suffer. Like having a child itself, being a working mother is one of things that you cannot truly understand until you are doing it. When working is combined with interrupted sleep and (in our case) child care arrangements that need to be made day by day, you begin to realise just how hard it can be. By the end of the month I was an emotional and physical wreck!
CGW is very supportive of families and I was very lucky to be offered a two day, rather than four day, a week role. I grabbed it with both hands and I have finally achieved a sense of balance between my working life and being home with my boy. Isaac is now settled at a terrific day care centre for my two working days. He seems to love it there - they have the kind of staff who make every parent think their child is the favourite.
When I am at work, I am still a mother, and when I am at home, I am still very concerned about my work. However, the days where each and every dream was about work and every thought centered around the current project are behind me now. I am still very committed to my job, but the work-life balance that always eluded me prior to Isaac seems to have been addressed by a gorgeous little fellow whose smile lights up my life.
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