Things you never thought of until you have baby

There are certain moments that occur with a newborn baby that you are totally unprepared for. I am not talking about the sleep deprivation or the surprising range of a baby boy pee or just how much love you feel your baby. I am talking about the little things that affect your life in ways you didn’t expect.

The other day I was preparing to head out with Isaac to a shopping centre – just him and I. Suddenly I thought struck me – what was I going to do if I had to go the bathroom? In a panic I asked hubby for his advice. With a wry smile he suggested that I hang Isaac, baby carrier and all, on the hook they have on the back of toilets. Then came the slightly more sensible suggestion of using the disabled loo and taking the pram. However, for someone who is a very adamant about closing the bathroom door, this all seemed contrary to my nature. Instead I resolved that I just wouldn’t go to the bathroom when I was out with Isaac. I had flash backs to a trip to Africa we had a few years ago. The only bathroom option whilst driving out on the plains was, well, out on the plains. If I have strong pelvic floor muscles, it’s nothing to do with pregnancy exercise and everything to do with “holding on” whilst being bumped and jostled in a jeep over Africa.

I am lucky enough to live near a gorgeous group of women who have little children. The other night we all went out for a girls’ dinner, leaving our hubbies holding the babies. Of course the discussion was centred around our kids. I felt quite sorry for the only one of our number who doesn’t have a baby – I do remember being bored by conversations about other people’s offspring. However, as much as your promise “you won’t be that parent”, you end up that way. It wasn’t until I realised that we were quite happily discussing poo that I realised that I had turned into that mother.

Other things that have surprised me are: just how much you can get done with one hand whilst nursing a baby with the other, how fast little ones grow out of clothing, how long you can spend staring at them sleep and how much fun it is to be a mum.

In love with baby

The other weekend Nathan was off at a boys golf weekend and Isaac and I were “home alone”. In truth I was worried about looking after Isaac solo for three days, however it ended up being a magical time. We spent most of the weekend on the couch. Ostensibly I took out some DVDs to catch up on some movies I hadn’t seen, but in reality I spent most of the time staring at Isaac. And in turn he was gazing at me. It’s amazing the rush of love that you experience when looking into the inquisitive eyes of your newborn baby. In those moments I feel like the luckiest girl alive. This valentine’s day gone will be one I treasure forever and not because it was filled with roses or gifts. The image I will keep in my heart is watching my son and my husband sleeping side by side. Their shallow breaths mirroring each others - peaceful and content. Having a baby is filled with challenges and it is hard to get a moment’s peace to yourself, but at times like that it’s more than worth it.

To the beach!

Last weekend Isaac had his first trip to the beach. We packed the car (95% Isaac stuff, 5% our own) and headed to Alex for a peaceful (?) weekend away. Upon arriving at our destination we learned that you could “hire” a cot for a baby from reception. My husband is not keen on spending money unnecessarily and thought this was a blatant grab for cash. It was one of those places where you had to pay to get extra blankets and had a sign saying that cleaning charges would be applicable should the kitchen not be left in the state it was found. So we pushed together a couple of chairs and hey presto! A cot for Isaac. Isaac is the kind of baby that sleeps anywhere so he wasn’t too perturbed by his new surrounds and slept well.

The morning after we arrived we decided to tackle the beach. Loaded down with a shade cabana, baby carrier, nappy bag, towels, hats and sunscreen we walk over to the beach. The shade cabana is the type that takes 5 seconds to put up and a 30 minutes struggle complete with giggling on lookers to put down. After kitting Isaac out in his new hat , baby sun block applied we placed him in the shadiest corner of the cabana. As we looked around the beach we realised that we were the only ones fool enough to try and go to the beach with a baby under 12 months. Eventually, after quite a bit of grumbling, Isaac feel asleep, leaving me free to lie on my beach towel and read my magazine.... For two seconds before he grumbled again. Being able to sleep everywhere obviously didn't extend to this hot, sandy and rather unpleasant environment. Eventually Isaac and I went back to the room leaving Nathan free to go for an ocean swim. The next day we went to the lagoon pool at the hotel which was 100% more successful and lo-and behold where all the other parents with little babies were!

Co-Sleeping

As a naive pregnant woman I was sure that my baby would not co-sleep. He would be in his cot by 7pm each night and sleeping through by the time he was 6 weeks old. Of course, what you plan for and what actually happens are totally different things. Isaac settles quickly most of the time after a late night feed - no, funnily enough he isn't sleeping through just yet! But there are times that he will seem to settle and then just when I drift off to sleep, I hear that plaintive cry coming from his room. There have been times where this has occurred 3 or 4 times in a row and he comes into the big bed. Once tucked in with mum and dad he drifts off to sleep immediately and sleeps longer between feeds. There is something undeniably wonderful about sleeping with your baby beside you, waking to see his beautiful face in the morning. Just to know that it's your presence, your warmth that is keeping him happy. To be in that sleepy state between dreaming and waking together as you feed. However, there are some dangers with co-sleeping and deaths can occur due to suffocation or strangulation. Here are the guidelines for co-sleeping:

• You shouldn't co-sleep if you are smoker, have had any drugs (including medication and alcohol), or have a sleep disorder. Siblings should not sleep with the baby.
• Always place your baby on his or her back to sleep to reduce the risk of SIDS.
• Always leave your child's head uncovered while sleeping.
• Make sure your bed's headboard and footboard don't have openings or cutouts that could trap your baby's head.
• Make sure your mattress fits snugly in the bed frame so that your baby won't become trapped in between the frame and the mattress.
• Don't place a baby to sleep in an adult bed alone.
• Don't use pillows, comforters, quilts, and other soft or plush items on the bed.
• Don't drink alcohol or use medications or drugs that may keep you from waking and may cause you to roll over onto, and therefore suffocate, your baby.
• Don't place your bed near draperies or blinds where your child could be strangled by cords.

I think it's worth remembering that 9o% of the world's population would co-sleep with their infants. It's a very "Western" and even unnatural thing to do - to separate our babies into their own beds. If you look at it in that light it suddenly seems cruel to have a newborn sleeping away from it's mother. But our lifestyles are very different and a lot of very content babies sleep in their own beds. It is also hard to sleep with a snuffling little bub beside you while you are cautious not to roll on them. Like most things with babies - it's horses for courses and you and your baby have to choose your own path. For Isaac and I, there will be the occasional co-sleep but we hope to cease that prior to 6 months. After 6 months it can be difficult to get the wee ones out of the big bed until they are much older.

Baby routines

I recently bought the new contented little baby book by Gina Ford. For those not familiar with it, it is series of (very strict) feeding and sleeping routines with the intended outcome that your baby will sleep through the night at an early age. Now, I love plans, lists and routines but even I find that the routine suggested very restrictive and dictator-ish, so much so that the book is now know as the little miss bossy book at our place. After a quick google search I found that most people had quite strong views about this book (and they weren’t all positive). If you are thinking of getting this book the salient points are:

1. Babies learn by association – therefore you need to put some routine around the “big” night time sleep so that bub can differentiate between it and nap time. This might include bath time and definitely includes putting bub down in his nursery.


2. Keep feeds at night very quite – avoid eye contact and don’t play with baby. Cuddles etc. are fine but they should be of the settling variety.


3. Try to keep sleeping during the day to gradually reducing hours so that the night time stretch becomes longer. Feed more during the day.

Gina offers a number of routines (and they are to the minute!) as well as some suggested solutions to common first year problems.

Isaac is a good baby and we certainly aren’t out the “pulling out our hair trying everything” stage with night time feeds. But we are trying a variant on the schedules that she suggests. Probably the hardest thing about Gina’s book is that she s one of those authors who dictate rather than suggest. She really does make you feel like you are doing the entirely the wrong thing if you go against her advice. Again I say that there is one expect on you and your baby – and it’s not Gina Ford – it’s you.