Work Visits

I remember being at work and at times the sound of small baby would drift down the hall way. Heads would poke out of offices as we all greeted whoever brought in their new bundle of joy. It is somewhat of a tradition that babies come into the office to be introduced to those that have been carefully monitoring the bump that preceded them.

On Tuesday, it was my turn to take in little Isaac to meet the people I work with. Because Isaac was born nearly five weeks early, he is quite tiny (in the 5th percentile) so everyone exclaims on how little he is. For us he seems huge since we first brought him home - he has nearly doubled in size during the first five weeks – going from 2.61kg to 3.49kg! Everyone cooed over how cute (and small!) he is and suggested whether he looked like more like Nathan or I. It seems with his eyes closed he looks like me - when they are open, people think more like Nathan.

It was a touch surreal to be in the office and yet not really a part of the office at the moment. Wandering up to work and seeing people talking seriously over coffee meetings at the various coffee shops along the way reminded me of a world that I won’t be part of again for some time. I did get a chance to catch up with my team and touch base with those currently leading the team. It was nice to talk about work projects for a little while, but even nicer to come home with Isaac and relax. I feel confident that my team is working well without me (apparently my absence did not cause the sky to fall in :) ) but I do miss them.

Wonderful Partners - Daddies who do their bit

My husband and I have always shared the upkeep of the household. We work similar hours and contribute the same amount of income so sharing the housework seems quite natural. I still can’t believe that there are blokes out there who think it’s appropriate for the woman to bear the brunt of the housework. It’s also a huge lost opportunity for them – Nathan and I have some great chats whilst preparing the evening meal or grocery shopping together.

So, in the same vein, we were all for co-parenting Isaac. Nathan is completely besotted by his little son and loves to cuddle him at any given chance. He has never baulked at changing a nappy, laughs when Isaac “leaks” on either of us and is excellent at settling Isaac when he is upset. He has (and this is above and beyond the call of duty) taken 8 weeks off to spend with us.

I know that not every family can do that and I feel really privileged that we are in this situation. It means that Nathan is able to establish some very strong early bonds with Isaac which I know will be evident in later life. It also means that in the past few weeks I have gone to the hair dresser for a full colour rather than just rushing in between feeds. I have had a beautiful beauty and massage treatment and a couple of dinners out with girlfriends. Nathan is quite happy to give Isaac the expressed feed and I think they really enjoy that time together. I am not quite sure what I am going to do when he is back at work!

It has also given me a whole new level of respect for those that parent alone or with a partner who is not supportive. The last few weeks have been delightful but I am sure that would be different if I didn’t have the support I have. I would encourage all new dads to be on as hands on as possible – you only get this opportunity once in your child’s life. Also, there is nothing sexier than seeing your partner change a nappy or clean the kitchen. If the old love life has stalled after the birth – it’s not a bad way to kick start it ;)

Baby's first shopping trip

We had our first proper shopping trip with Isaac to the DFO the other day. Rather than driving around the car park tailing people who looked like they were leaving we swung into a pram park right outside the shopping centre. Glee was all over Nathan’s face! After wrestling with the pram (only slightly) we were all inside the centre. As often occurs when we shop, Nathan looked at his stores and I wandered around the ones I liked. Well I tried to whilst manoeuvring a pram around fixtures – I have a new found respect for those with mobility issues. I found a top that I liked and wanted to try on and came across a new problem – change rooms are not built for prams. So rather hesitantly I let the shop keeper keep an eye on Isaac as I changed – all the while feeling that I was a terrible mother to do so. After that, Nathan and I shopped as a team!

When you have a new baby you are suddenly admitted into the parents club. The closest I can liken it to is when you buy a new car and suddenly everyone with same model waves or gives a knowing nod as you pass each other on the freeway. Well apparently a similar set of rules apply with children. You are asked how old, when was he born, whether he’s your first, how you are finding it and so the list goes on. Everyone is suddenly incredibly helpful and friendly – which is lovely. I had a nice natter to a lady who was saying that slings are most definitely the way to go in shopping centres rather than trying to manage a pram. I am one of those people that can never seem to steer a shopping trolley in the right direction, so I am a little challenged when it comes to the pram and her advice made sense to me.

Time seems to exist in some sort of vortex with shopping centres and our 2 hour shopping trip (to coincide with feeds) stretched to three hours. So I was off to another parents’ room – and again I was surprised by the palatial dimensions. We are really lucky to have these kinds of facilities and I am grateful to whoever lobbied for us to get them.

I can’t say that shopping with a baby is quite as relaxing as it used to be but it was still a fun experience and at least I got a few tops that I can breast-feed comfortably in. On the way out another parent spied us with our new bub getting into the car. “Pram parks” she smiled, “best thing about children” and then laughed – “No, there are lots of wonderful things – just wait and see” and so we shall!

What I thought being a mother would be like

A few of my friends indicated that I would feel the following upon becoming a mother:

• You will change forever and the way that you look at your partner will change forever
• Becoming a parent is like really joining the human family
• Once you become a parent that is when you truly grow up
• You will struggle with having a little person that is entirely, utterly reliant on you
• You will be bored at home
• You won’t have time to be bored at home
• It will be the best thing you have ever done

Now some of those assumptions are quite condescending towards those that have made the valid choice not to have children. I don’t feel that having a child completes me, makes me into an adult or ties me in a stronger way to the human race. What I have felt is an overwhelming sense of love for my child accompanied by a fierce desire to protect Isaac. I feel like there is another dimension to my life, rather than a loss of self. I feel that I will learn so much from being a mother and that, as all life experiences do, it will make me a better rounded person. I know that it will teach me patience (a much needed lesson!)

I haven’t yet been bored at home, but I can see how that might happen. Time is a luxury that we aren’t often afforded, so I want to use it to learn new things and rediscover old hobbies. As for feeling tied down or resentful of the demands of a newborn – I haven’t felt that. I think that the overwhelming desire to keep him safe and happy overrides any feelings of resentment. I literally would do anything for him. I know its early days and perhaps my outlook is rosier that it should be but one thing is for sure though – it’s the best thing we have ever done.

Breastfeeding in public

Breastfeeding in public can be quite daunting and there does seem to be an art in doing it discreetly. In Australia, it is illegal to discriminate against a breast feeding mother in the area of goods and services (including restaurants, clubs etc), so ensure that you are aware of your rights. However, to ensure that you are comfortable, you might like to look out for restaurants that show the breastfeeding welcome sign to indicate that they are fine with breast feeding mothers. If another patron objects to your breast feeding you can point out politely that you are within your legal rights to breastfeed and if they find it offensive they may like to refrain from watching. However, there does need to be a balance and I personally feel that it’s worth being discreet. You will also find that people are more likely to accept you feeding a small baby than an older one.
In order to feed discretely, you might like to view how you feed in a mirror so that you can get an idea of how it looks to others. Remember that your baby will hide the lower breast and nipple whilst feeding. Attaching baby is probably the time when you are most worried about revealing more than you want to. Take a shawl, pashmina or baby wrap and place around your shoulders, covering your breast. Put this around both shoulders – I have tried to the one shoulder technique and the material inevitable ends up slipping off! You can then feed your baby under the wrap.
Other options include wearing a very loose t-shirt and feeding baby from under the shirt. If you are a bit of a fashionista going out in a over sized t-shirt may not appeal! Another option is investing in a few little jackets, cardigans or shrugs which can go over a singlet and offer cover when you are attaching baby. I would recommend purchasing a few maternity singlets - Big W seems to have the best prices for the bonds variety.
If you are nervous about breast feeding in public, try to ensure that your outing is near or in a shopping centre with a parent room. If you are nervous or upset when feeding your baby, your baby will also become upset. It does become easier with time and the first time you breastfeed in public you will be uncomfortable – until you realise that no-one around you is really that concerned!

Bring a perfect baby into an imperfect world

I often feed Isaac in the morning whilst watching the news. Bombings in the middle east, wars between Israel and Palestine, floods in Fiji, stock markets tumbling all make me wonder about the world we have brought our little one into.

I think each generation worries about this – when I was born my parents would have been concerned about terrorism, an economy that was starting to fail and the threat of nuclear war. And yet we have come out the other side relatively unscathed.

On the plus side I am bringing Isaac up in a world that has been ready to accept and embrace the first African American president, a world that is starting to recognise and act upon its environmental responsibilities, a world where miracles occur – such as a pilot landing a plane with two failed engines into a river and avoiding any fatalities. While the news is filled with the economic crisis it’s hard to focus on the positive, but the good news is definitely there.

I can’t wait to see the world through Isaac’s eyes – each little thing a wondrous event as he explores his world. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child will turn around the cynic and open our eyes to the beauty of our earth.

How to keep your relationship on track with a newborn

Obviously a newborn changes your life quite dramatically and it would be naive to think it’s not going to impact on the relationship you have with your partner. I have found the following useful:

1. Sit down and talk about how you would each parent, including your own experiences as a child. Specifically for a newborn talk about whether you will be trying to get your baby into a feeding routine straight away or whether you will demand feed. Also talk about how you feel about co-sleeping.
2. Talk about how your partner will be involved in baby care – nappy changes, baths, cuddles, settling and feeding (expressed or formula) as well as how you will share care of the house. Talk about your expectations of each other and what you will accept. Are you okay with having a messy house? Not having a cooked meal each evening?
3. If you are breast feeding you will feel that you are doing the lioness’ share of the work. Recognise that and try not to resent your partner for it. Don’t feel guilty about getting them to help out in other ways.
4. You will both be tired and if something frustrates you, you are likely to take it out on each other. It’s going to be something small and silly and escalate into something bigger where you might say something you don’t mean. If you feel yourself getting frustrated try to catch that feeling early and remove yourself from the situation. This might be counting to ten or leaving the room.
5. If an argument does escalate try to resolve your issue prior to going to bed. Once you have both cooled down, talk out what the underlying issues are.
6. Keep kissing and cuddling – affection is really important and it will relax you.
7. Make time to laugh together every day. Look at your newborn together and enjoy your new family.

Nathan and I have a very strong relationship and this advice is aimed at couples with a similar experience. If you are really struggling with your partner and a newborn, getting in touch with Realtionships Australia - http://www.relationships.com.au/ might help.